


goodbye to yesterday

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Still Star-Crossed (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, How Do I Tag, Kinda, rosvolio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-22 23:38:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11390799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: The thing was that Rosaline hated Benvolio Montague.That was one of the first things her uncle had taught her- to be grateful and to despise Montagues.





	1. my love was never gonna be enough

**Author's Note:**

> I'm an absolute rosvolio trash.  
> (I'm also kinda drunk atm so forgive me.)  
> Title from 'Goodbye to yesterday' by Elina Born and Stig Rasta, go and listen to it.

The thing was that Rosaline hated Benvolio Montague.

That was one of the first things her uncle had taught her- to be grateful and to despise Montagues. So she did, and it wasn't so hard; they were part of a  reason her parents were dead, and it was easier to hate them than to hate the only family she had left. (Sometimes she wished her aunt and uncle never took them in so she and Livia could be on their own. Sometimes, during sleepless night when she was too tired to fall asleep, she was thinking that an orphanage would be better than that.)

Even now, when she wasn't living with her aunt and uncle anymore, she still hated Montagues.

Did she?

Okay, so Rosaline was a bit tipsy and she maybe didn't hate Benvolio Montague as much as she should. She decided to blame it on Juliet, it was her party, in the end. She could also blame Romeo for bringing his friends, Benvolio included. (She had her history with him, of course; they had been bumping into each other for years, fighting over every single detail. One thing they could agree on was that Juliet and Romeo's relationship was a mistake. She wouldn't say that out loud, but he was pretty clever and funny. And not awfully looking. Wait. What.)

Her train of thought was broken by an arm sliding around her waist and her cousin's laugh in her ear.

'How are you, Ros?' she asked, and Rosaline was a little annoyed by the fact that she sounded absolutely sober, while Ros... well, let's say she was a bit tipsy. Just a little bit. She wished Livia was there, but she was still in med school in Seattle and she would come back only every few months. (Sometimes Rosaline missed her so much it almost hurt.)

'Great.' she smiled in response. Because yeah, she had fun. She was so busy with work lately that she forgot how it was to have fun. And the party was great, it really was, she was just quite annoyed that she couldn't stop staring at fucking Benvolio Montague. (She was looking at him yet again and she barely noticed when Juliet followed her gaze. For sure she didn't a soft smile her cousin gave her before Romeo found her and took her somewhere else.)

After Juliet left Rosaline quickly realized that she was probably being very creepy. It was a sign she had had enough alcohol so she decided to go to kitchen to grab something else to drink. (Little did she know that someone was watching her in that moment.)

 

 

Apparently Juliet and Romeo didn't own anything non- alcoholic in their fridge, what forced Rosaline to pour herself a cup of tap water. That wouldn't kill her, right?

She enjoyed the coolness of the kitchen and how she could barely hear any music. It helped her collect her thoughts; now, without seeing Benvolio, she almost convinced herself that he was just an awful human being and it was just alcohol and nothing else. (It had nothing to do with that sparks in his eyes he always had when they were bickering; she had noticed that a few months earlier and was convincing herself it was just a game of light, but now she wasn't so sure.)

And maybe that convincing would be successful if Benvolio didn't enter the kitchen in that very moment. His grin was so wide and bright that Rosaline didn't even know what to say. (She wanted to say something sarcastic, as always, but somehow her mind was blank.)

'Capulet.' he greeted her and she could swear she saw these sparks in his eyes again.

'Montague.' she said right back, but it sounded softer than usual and Rosaline suddenly wanted the floor to swallow her. She suddenly felt weak, alcohol making her head float, so she gripped her glass harder and downed it quickly, avoiding Benvolio's eyes. (She could practically feel him watching her with amusement.)

'Are you hiding in here, Capulet?' he asked, standing a little bit closer to her. Rosaline put her glass on a counter and glued her eyes to the floor. She felt stupid, and she never felt stupid. She was strong and independent, and she for sure didn't get flustered by fucking Benvolio Montague.

(Suddenly she remembered all these little times when she had felt something similar to that but she then she had been too stubborn and too sober to realize that.)

'Just taking a break.' she murmured. She wished her head was clear now but she still felt a bit fuzzy. 'If you're looking for something to drink there's only tap water.'

She hoped he would take the water and go away and go away, but she was wrong.

'Why don't you look at me?' he asked and her stomach twisted.

'There's nothing to look at.' she bit back and she was quite happy that she was finally starting to act like herself.

'I don't know, Capulet. Back in there I was under an impression that you quite enjoyed the view.'

That was it. She was never going to touch alcohol with Benvolio around. She didn't even have a clever response.

'I'm going home.' Rosaline didn't even know why she said that out loud, she just wanted to go to bed and come back to her senses. (Aka she wanted to be able to hate him again. But had she ever hated him, really? It seemed so stupid and pointless in that moment, because she had never done anything to her.)

'Are you still living with you uncle?' he asked and she was so surprised by that question that she looked at him, finding there curiosity and something what looked like concern.

'I moved out as soon as I found a job and had enough money to pay a rent.'

He nodded quietly with understanding written all over his face, and Rosaline remembered vaguely how Juliet had been mentioning his difficult relationship with his uncle. (She suddenly felt guilty that she had followed her uncle's order so blindly. She should be better than that. She was better than that.)

'I'll walk you home.' Benvolio said and Rosaline shook her head immediately.

'No.'

'Come on, Capulet. Do you always have to be so stubborn?'

Normally she would fight, but she was still kinda drunk and weak and she didn't hate him at all. So she agreed quietly and followed him to the door.

 

 

The walk was quiet.

They literally didn't say a word, which was somehow even worse than when they were fighting. After some time Rosaline started feeling a bit better, thinking more clearly, and she knew that it should feel weird. Benvolio Montague was walking her home for fuck's sake. That should never happened.

But it did.

She was almost disappointed when they reached her building. There was a sudden tension when she found her keys and reached for a door. And the she stopped. (She felt that opening that door would be a mistake.)

Her eyes met Benvolio's and she wished she was drunk again so she could ignore longing she saw in his eyes. Her own mouth went dry as her gaze went to his lips and then went back to his eyes. (She knew she had a few seconds to make a decision.)

Their lips met halfway, stealing air from Rosaline's lungs and shutting her thoughts down. The only think she could think about was they way Benvolio was kissing her, with desperation that mirrored her own. She put one of her hands on the back of his neck, trying to pull him even closer, while she tried to open the door with the other one.

They barely made it to her apartment.

(It was the first time she was grateful she was living on a first floor.)

'Ros.' he breathed out against her neck while pressing her to the door of her apartment 'Are you...'

'Shut up.' she ordered breathlessly, her lips finding his again. She knew what he was going to say and she didn't want to hear that. She wanted that moment, she needed it, and she was scared that any words would take it away from her.

Maybe he somehow understood that, because he didn't say anything and kissed her until she started whimpering against his lips, begging him for more.

It took them forever to get to her bedroom, when they undressed each other with urgency that was almost desperate, hands dancing on their bodies until there was nothing left between them. Rosaline's skin was burning under his fingertips, as he was studying her body with gentleness that almost made her cry. And when he looked at her she saw the same softness in his eyes and she suddenly felt small and vulnerable, and she could feel tears burning in the corners of her eyes. (She didn't remember last time when someone had looked at her like that.)

Their lips met again and she moved against him until she forgot who she was and who was he, until there was nothing left except their shallow breaths and two hearts beating against each other.


	2. I’m pretty sure I would have told you to stop

Rosaline woke up to blinding light shining right into her face, so she immediately closed her eyes. Her head was a bit heavy and her throat was a bit too dry for her liking, but beside that she was feeling surprisingly good, thinking about how much she had drunk a day before. 

She thought lazily about giving herself a few more minutes of sleep when suddenly the memroes of the night hit her and she amost jumped out of the bed. (It took all her willpower to stay still.)

She had slept with Benvolio Montague. 

Oh dear God. 

What the hell had she been thinking?! (As much as she’d like to blame it all on him, she couldn’t. She remembered pretty clearly her inside monologue about hating Benvolio.) 

Okay, she had to calm down and deal with that situation like an adult. She would try to handle it without screaming and accusing him of God knows what. Then she would bury herself in her bed and curse her own stupidity. (She tried to ignore that little voice in her head reminding her that the sex had been actually great. Wait what. Okay. That one she had to give to him.)

Rosaline took a deep breath and told herself just to be calm. She could deal with it. It was nothing. 

But when she turned around there was no one next to her.

** Juliet  **

**_ Ros r u ok? Haven’t noticed when you left. _ **

****

** Ros **

**_ I’m fine. Just felt tired _ .  **

Rosaline wasn’t fine. She wasn’t fine at all.

She spent all day in her bed, her back to the window, facing a part of the day that she had found empty that morning. She knew it was ridiculous. It was Benvelio Montague for God’s sake. He was loud and annoying (and clever and funny and caring) and she should hate him.

Why couldn’t she hate him?

It wasn’t just because of sex, of course. Rosaline wasn’t that kind of girl that could change her opinion about someone over one night. But now, laying in her bed, she could see things that she had always been blind too. She was always so focused on convincing herself that she despised him that she never allowed her to realize what he really was like. And the truth was that he was never disrespectful toward her. Yes, he was teasing and snarky and ironic, and he was making her mad, but he had never done anything wrong toward her or towards the others.

Why had she been so stubborn to never see that?

** Juliet **

**_ Is everything fine? _ **

****

** Rosaline **

**_ Yeah. Just tired.  _ **

****

Maybe it was the fact that he had left without a words that caused her so much shock. She tried to convince herself that she didn’t care. (She shouldn’t care. What had changed? Had she changed? Why couldn’t she stop thinking about him?)

Rosaline was mad. She was mad at herself, for her stupid heart clenching painfully at every though of him, and she was mad at Benvolio, for leaving her like that, without a word, with feelings that she didn’t want and didn’t need.

** Juliet **

**_ ok _ **

**_ What’s wrong _ **

****

** Rosaline **

**_ Nothing _ **

**_ Everything’s fine _ **

****

** Juliet **

**_ Ros _ **

**_ Don’t lie to me _ **

****

For a brief moment she thought about telling Juliet. But how could she tell her about something she couldn’t figure out about herself? (It was so ridiculous, like some romcom shit. Rosaline never thought she would be in a situation like that. But there she was.)

** Rosaline **

**_ Just had a fight with Benvolio. _ **

**_ You know I hate that asshole. _ **

****

Lies, lies everywhere. 

** Juliet **

**_ what _ **

****

** Rosaline **

**_ Don’t worry _ **

**_ It was like always _ **

**_ You know _ **

****

** Juliet  **

**_ Oh okay _ **

**_ You sure you’re fine? _ **

****

** Rosaline **

**_ Totally _ **

****

** Juliet **

**_ Ok _ **

**_ I’ll call you later okay? _ **

****

** Rosaline **

**_ okay _ **

****

Now when she thought about it, being totally honest with herself, she couldn’t even blame it all on alcohol, because even in that moment she wanted him, and that feeling was filling her with shame. She wanted him, she wanted to know him, she wanted to learn about his childhood and things that could make him laugh. 

She wanted it all and now she was ridiculously scared she would never get that.

So yeah, Rosaline was mad and confused, lost and disappointed. (And maybe just a little bit heartbroken.)

* * *

 

** Juliet **

**_ party tomorrow at 7 _ **

**_ wear sth nice _ **

****

** Rosaline **

**_ I don’t feel like partying tbh _ **

****

** Juliet **

**_ well sorry _ **

**_ but this is my engagement party so you better show up _ **

**_ since you’re my best maid _ **

****

** Rosaline **

**_ WHAT _ **

**_ WHY DIDN’Y YOU TELL ME YOU’RE ENGAGED?!!!!??? _ **

****

** Juliet **

**_ i’m telling u know _ **

****

That was how Rosaline eneded in Juliet’s apartment once again. At least it wasn’t that kind of party that had lead her to sleeping with Benvolio (and questioning all of her feelings). It supposed to be a decent dinner- party, when two families should try and not to kill each other. 

Not everybody showed up, though. Rosaline’s aunt decided to boycot her daughetr’s choice, same for Romeo’s father. 

Benvolio was nowhere to be seen too. (She wasn’t disappointed at all. She wasn’t.)

She didn’t try to contact him. She wanted to. (She missed him. She missed his touch. His eyes, that were sparkling when he was looking at her. She missed all the things she didn’t know about him.)

Where did her life become so miserable?

The dinner went surprisingly smoothly. No one yelled, no one fight. Maybe mr Capulet was sending too much death glares to Romeo but beside that it was pretty good. He and mrs Montague even agreed on giving to the young couple some money to help with the wedding. 

It went nice, but all Rosaline could think about was bed. She was so damn tired lately, she had no idea why. (She kinda did.) But when most of the people had left already she heard Juliet’s excited voice ‘Okay people, we’re going to Verona! Shots are on me!’

Rosaline didn’t reallt feel like partying, so she intended to excuse herself, but of course when her cousin wanted something, she usually got it. That was how she ended in the middle of the crowded club, waching Juliet and others get drunk ridiculously quick. (She didn’t want to drink. She just didn’t feel like it.) She found herself a nice quiet place in a corner, from where she could have an eye on everyone and think about why the fuck Benvolio hadn’t shown up on the party. Romeo was his best friend, he should have been there.

Maybe he was avoiding her.

(That thought hurt as much as memory of her empty bed.)

After over an hour of that Rosaline decided she needed air. It was too loud, too sticky in there, and she felt like there wasn’t enough air for her to breathe. So she went outside and stood with her back to the wall, her hands on her knees, and she took a few deep breaths. She closed her eyes for a second, allowing herself to drift away a bit, and then she heard footsteps. (She was on a street, after all. But there was something that sent a shiver down her spine.)

‘Rosaline.’

(The world stopped spinning for a second.)

(It was the first time she heard him saying her name.)

She looked at him and right into his eyes, and in that moment she hated him a little bit again. 

‘Benvolio.’ she said back and his name tasted bitter on her tongue.

They just stared at each other, as if they could read what the other one was thinking. 

(He looked a bit miserable. His face was paler than usual and she could see shadows under his eyes, and that made her heart skip the tiniest of beats.)

He made a move as if he wanted to take a step back or to say something but Rosaline decided that she needed to be first.

‘Why did you leave?’ she asked and she tried to sound that she didn’t care at all. 

Benvolio shifted a bit as if he was uncomfortable. But he didn’t say a word. 

She gave him a few more seconds before she moved, taking a step forward.

‘Fine.’ (It wasn’t fine.) 

She turned, ready to go back inside. 

(She felt tears in the corners of her eyes and she hated him again for making her weak.)

‘I’m sorry.’

His voice was a bit strangled and hoarse, as if he had difficulties with talking. Rosaline turned around and looked at him, and he looked miserable, with eyes that were shining with something like pleading and desperation. 

Rosaline didn’t say anything. She just looked at him, waiting for more. 

Benvolio ran a hand down his face.

‘I know that you don’t like me, Rosaline.’ 

(It felt like a punch to her stomach.)

‘And I know that you think that night was a mistake.’

(His voice was hollow and that made Rosaline shiver.)

Benvolio smiled, a bitter, sad smile that didn’t fit his face.

‘I didn’t want to hear whay you’d say to me.’

(When she had woken up in panic she had wanted to tell him to get out. 

Now she knew exactly what she wanted to say.)

Rosaline took a step forward and Benvolio looked at her with something like surprise in his eyes.

‘I’d tell you to stay.’ she said and her voice was barely louder than a whisper.

Benvolio’s eyes widen as he looked at her, his lips slightly parted as Rosaline took another step in his direction. ‘Because I don’t hate you at all.’

He let out a shaky breath as she stepped so close that their chests were almost touching, lips only a few inches apart. 

‘And because I might like you. I might like you a lot.’ Rosaline whispered, her heart beating wildly in her chest, so loud that she could almost hear that. 

Benvolio chuckled quietly and that soft sound made her lips curl up into a smile. 

‘I like you too. A lot.’ 

She kissed him and she felt warmth flooding her body, and for the first time in a week she felt good. As how it should be. 

‘Let’s get out of here.’ he murmured into her hair when they pulled apart and she nodded, grin spreading on her lips. 

(She didn’t hate him a bit, after all.)

****

****

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Love you all :)


End file.
